When Matt started talking to Chevron a year and a half ago, we knew international assignments would be part of the deal. After a short initial hesitation, we quickly jumped on board with full enthusiasm.
Friday, September 07, 2007
pros, cons, and the honest truth
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Since then, the reality of it has been looming somewhere in the future. We've been excited about it, planning for it, but talking about it as if it were still somewhere far off along the distant horizon of our lives. However, our little adventure in South America is rapidly coming upon us. We're leaving the first of January, and I feel the anxiety coming on.
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We just found out that our official assignment won't come until mid-October. The unknown is what's driving me nuts. I'm a planner. I'm an organizer. I want to start making my checklists and arrangements (remember this?). Having to postpone my preparations is going to drive me insane.
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Anxiety #1: I don't even know there to begin to pack. Movers will pack up our things and put them in storage with our furniture, but I have to decide what to take with us and I'm totally perplexed over it. 6 months is too long to pack as if it were a vacation, and it's too short to pack as if we're moving there.
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Anxiety #2: How do I plan for the 15 hour flight? 3 kids; 15 hours of flying. That's with the most direct route. Then add in layovers and time changes, it'll probably feel like we're flying for two days.
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Anxiety #3: I think I might be just a big talker. I'm excited, I'm up for the adventure- but how am I really going to fare all day while Matt's at work and I'm at home with three kids in a foreign country? Seriously, I cried the first month we were in New Jersey (which felt a bit like a foreign country). That was absolutely a kind of preparatory period for me. Maybe I'm tougher now than I think I am. But maybe not enough.
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Anxiety #4: Occasionally this: What are we thinking dragging our kids around the world? I know some of you have that same thought too.
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On the other hand- We know this is the right thing for us. This is the right career for Matt, an incredible experience for our family, and an opportunity to serve.
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My kids will learn things about another culture, about tolerance, and about being grateful for what we have in a way that I could never teach them myself.
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I can't wait to get Garrett out of California public school and into international private school. Kindergarten is probably the easiest grade for a change like this. Garrett has amazed us with his ability to adapt to school, and I'm sure he'll be just fine and quickly make new friends. He'll probably thrive with a little more challenging curriculum.
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We'll go sightseeing on the weekends (or at least every once in a while), learn a new language, and be exposed to a new culture. Our family will have the adventure of our lives.
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(For those of you concerned about our physical welfare, rest assured we'll be fine. Chevron will take care of us. We'll have access to excellent health care and excellent education for the kids. We'll be in safe, modernized area. We'll even have our own driver. Although, if you're that worried about us, you may just have to come and visit to see for yourself.)
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So where does that all leave me? Right where I started, but I know there are those of you out there that have done this before (or are doing it now). I'm listening...
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16 comments:
The unknown is the most unnerving part of every move, isn't it? But you'll come back so glad you had a chance to disappear. The world will be bigger & smaller -- and that's in the airports.
Good luck taming the anxiety-driven "I must organize" impulse. You can always just buy nifty clothes for the kids while you are in South America. :)
Throw the anxiety away...once you are there (and find out where) you will make it work. There are TONS of expats all over the world just waiting for you to arrive. Look into local expat organizations/women's groups before you go (in addition to the church of course :)). There should be activities for you and your kids with other expats in the area. Remeber - Matt isn't the only one who has been transplanted to that area.
The flight will go whether it goes well or not and...whether you like it or not, you will eventually end up in a foreign country.
Never listen to the naysayers and worry warts -- they usually worry because they watch too much TV and don't travel enough themselves...you are right - they need to come see where it is you are living -- I bet once they realize the world is an AMAZING place, they may even choose to live overseas at some point.
PS - a Brazilian guy came to work here in Isatnbul, with mostly English speaking foreign teachers, with his wife who only speaks Portuguese...she has definitely cried a bit...but she has been working on her English and it is getting better :) Things could be worse...
you might cry, you might be lonely, the flight might be terrible, but at the end of it all, you will be so glad it all happened.
and i echo starr, the kid's stuff is amazing (and so are the maternity clothes if you find you need those!)
I want to come visit! Do this while the kids ARE so young, your a rock star. I envy the opportunity. Life is about experiencing. You are on the right path.
love,
melanie west
I haven't done this as an adult, but I do have the experience of having done it as a kid. My parents lived in Japan for 3 years starting just before I turned 5 (close to Garret's age!). Similarly, most of their stuff was stored. Not similarly with no access to international schools or "safe" healthcare. We lived in a small town as the only foreigners and we lived just like the Japanese except for the fact that my dad's company made sure we had a sit down toilet and a convection microwave oven since no one had ovens there. My mom says it was hard, but she had me to translate (kids pick things up SO fast) and she taught English to all the neighbors as a fun way to socialize. She ended up home schooling me after Kindergarten so I wouldn't be behind when we got back. But even though it had it's rough spots, it was AWESOME! My mom says she's so glad she took the chance when her kids were young. Our whole family has it's own little culture now that is one part Japanese. And the experience has totally defined who I am, in a mostly good way. I'm so much more aware of other cultures in general. I feel indebted to my parents for the hardships they were willing to go through in order to provide that kind of experience to me. I wish I had the guts to do it with my kids, but to be honest, I do feel a little "foreign countried out." It was hard being an outsider for 3 years as a kid, but it sounds like you guys won't really have that as much! My sister however is planning to live overseas too when her hu'band graduates college, so it can't have scarred her too much either :) Good luck, I'm sure it will be great!
Mary,
Can we go with you guys? The place will be great and the experience even better!!! I can't wait for you guys to go, I mean don't get me wrong....you know what I mean :) Anyway.... talk to ya later
love,
meliglauserandthehawaiianclick
I used to read the blog of another LDS girl whose husband's job took them to Brazil. She was 6 or 7 months pregnant when they left, and she had the baby there! I do remember reading about how difficult it was, BUT, she had a lot of help available to her, because labor is so inexpensive. Obviously I'm not suggesting you exploit anyone, but a nanny/housekeeper/whatever might be an option! Personally, for me, that would go a long, long way! :)
PS- For what it's worth, we lived in Germany for 3 1/2 years, and it was fabulous!! The adjustment was a little harder because we were older, but it'll never be easier for your kids than it is now.
Just a reminder, you can contact either me or Laura with any questions you may have, as we've been there, done that :) So far we've been married for 6 years, 3 of which have been overseas! The next 4 years are all going to be overseas as well.
As for the flights. Well. A portable DVD player goes a long way. That's all I have to say about that. Long flights stink, but they're over sooner than not. At least you won't have to worry about a 10 hour time change. That stinks more :)
Ryan and Laura
thekochco.com
Growing up in crime-ridden California, you should be prepared for anything. If you had lived in safe, comfortable, beautiful Utah, that would be another story...
I haven't been on your blog in a while, so I didn't even know you were leaving the country. How exciting!! I totally understand your concerns though. I completely rely on family close by and friends. It will be an awesome experience, though, and your family will grow closer from having to lean on each other more.
I've been reading the biography of John Adams, who spent many years as a diplomat in foreign countries (France, Holland, and England) and who took his children with him whenever he could - especially John Quincy Adams, who also spent some time in Russia. And it was just such experiences that eventually qualified John Quincy for service to his country in increasingly responsible positions - eventually as president!
So don't you want one of your kids to be president? Then you're on the right track! ;-)
My only advice is to bring a portable DVD player for the kids on the plane. You are going to have a wonderful time! Can't wait to hear about it . . .
Having lived in Brazil a few years ago (although not with children), I can tell you that you are in for a real treat. Having known you for a few years now, I can tell you that you are definitely up for the challenge! Can't wait to read more about it.
Thanks everyone, for your encouragement and advice. It helps so much to feel your support! I think we'll survive just fine! (Especially if I have easy access to the internet and I can still feel somewhat connected to "my" world.)
Oh and my dear cousin, Mark, your advice was especially touching. Thank you. Be careful on your trip next month. Are you sure you're okay with bringing your young children to CA? It's a bit dangerous here.
We're just excited for you! All the friends we have that have gone foreign have loved it! Yes, it's an adjustment, sometimes a major adjustment, but worth it.
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